How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm like, not good at living.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
