JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
