dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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