When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
