my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
