So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
