Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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