Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
