dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
