I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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