So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
