loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
