Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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