remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
