I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
