I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
love makes seman taste better
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
