I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
