"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
