just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
