her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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