Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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