I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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