Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
