Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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