I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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