My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
