oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
