just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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