Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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