the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We need a shit load of segways right now
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
