So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
