dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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