god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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