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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.

  (917): View more from New York City

  Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home

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• (585): View more from New York

  You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening

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• (914): View more from New York

  Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas

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• (360): View more from Washington

  I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Also, my apartment walls are too thin

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