i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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