I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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