You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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