How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
