we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
