Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
