she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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