she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize
