I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
