Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
