2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
please come you make the beer taste better
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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