So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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