In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
