you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
