The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
