maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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