We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
