The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
